From PaPa
When Ben is diagnosed as special needs with no speech, Helen and I become his caregivers. It was a consuming, all-encompassing labor of love that leaves little time for anything else. It became our life and our primary reason for existence. We do not live the same lives as those who do not have special needs children. We adapt and it becomes our new comfort zone; a life centered on Ben.
Some people say “God only gives special needs children to special people.” I didn’t feel special at all. Helen and I prayed for healing everyday, fully expecting and knowing complete healing is guaranteed one Day, but until then, we rested in His strength, goodness and grace and celebrated little victories along the way.
Ben’s sudden death has torn my heart in two, one side filled with heartache, the other side died with him. No parent should live to see their own child die. Childrens are not supposed to die … this is not right, fair and explicable. It is almost impossible to wrap your mind around the fact Ben is gone, and very difficult to imagine what life will now be like without the need to worry about him and care for him. It left a giant hole in our hearts and our lives. Nothing ever could compare to the overwhelming, indescribable pain of losing Ben. The light has gone out of my life. There will never come a day, hour, minute or second I stop loving or thinking about Ben. For as long as I breathe, I will grieve and ache and love Ben with all my heart and soul. It will be a lifetime of missing him and wishing that he is still here with us. I will grieve forever till I see and embrace him again because I love him forever.
Ben has brought us unspeakable joys, laughters, happiness, purpose and comfort for the last 28 years. He is the perfect gift from God. Being his dad is my greatest blessings and joys. Ben gives his affection so freely, innocently, and lovingly to people who love and care for him. He touches people in a special way. Anyone who knew him absolutely adored him. He never threw tantrums and helped household chores without a fuss. His angelic face smile is mesmerizing and there is great joy in his smile. He is kind, gentle and sometimes funny in his own way.
Ben spent his entire life trapped in autism disabilities and limitations on Earth including the trauma and pains of epilepsy. It is time for Jesus to bring Ben home (John 14:3), he went home peacefully in his sleep. Ben is now completely liberated and healed in heaven. He has no more pains, sufferings and struggles. We have the hope, assurance and comfort of knowing Ben is now safe in the arms of Jesus.
When Ben breathed his last breath on Earth, it was his first breath of eternal air in heaven. Ben has received his reserved incorruptible inheritance (1 Peter 1:4) in heaven from Jesus. I rejoice that Ben is gloriously happy in heaven and that God has fulfilled His purpose thru his life - “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works and glory of God might be displayed in him” (John 9:3).